I say hey, what's going on?

A few pictures...
My Jadie Bug

Justin and Jaleigh with Santa

So much has gone on the last few months (shocking, right?), so I figured I'd write about it. You should know, contrary to being the daughter of an English teacher, I'm not really blogger material. I do my best, though, and it's a good release.

We are home in Texas for the time being. The plan is to stay through January while Jesse works insane hours to try to cover some of these medical bills we've been racking up. We stayed here with family most of November as well, for the same reason. We're enjoying time with our families, though I'm fairly certain my brood has worn them all out. :)

Jaleigh has been sick off and on for 17 weeks now. She and I got sick two weeks before Jadie was born (end of August), contracted pneumonia the next week and went on antibiotics. She has stayed well anywhere between 4 and 15 days before she gets sick all over again. After the 4th x-ray showing what they thought was pneumonia, they sent her to a pediatric pulmonologist. The pulmonologist ran several tests, including a CT scan and determined she has a (for lack of better word?) mass in her left lung, swollen lymph nodes in her lung, and swollen, excess tissue. Her blood work showed signs of an infection (which is not good at all, seeing as how she was 10 days off antibiotic...). They've given her a preliminary diagnosis of interstitial pneumonitis, which is basically chronic lung infection. It's a very vague diagnosis, but it's a start. At this point, there are so many unknowns. We know she's getting sick every week or so, taking antibiotics and they are treating the symptoms and the infection, but not the underlying problem that is causing the symptoms and infections. The pulmonologist seems to think it resembles TB, but she's asymptomatic and tests so far are showing negative. He did say if she starts with a chronic cough, to come in immediately and retest. He also told me he wants me to leave with two things: 1, He doesn't want me to think they aren't working hard to figure it out, because they are. Unfortunately, since there's no clear answer, we are just going to have to follow it, and 2. He doesn't want me to think it's NOT serious because at this point, all non-serious diagnoses have been ruled out, and anytime something of this nature is present on an infant, it's serious. She is currently on her fourth antibiotic this month and following up with a preventative antibiotic. He wants to keep the infection away as long as possible, so her little body can have a break. We will go back in February for a second CT to see if it has progressed, regressed, or stayed the same. He'll determine what tests need to be done from there. He did say there's a small chance it's a rare viral infection called adenitis, which lasts 3-6 months. On the off chance that IS what we're dealing with, it should be near running its course. Right now, she's on antibiotics (did I say that already...?) and running low-grade fever off and on.

We aren't sleeping most nights; we do well to get 3-4 hours. She cries a lot, sits in my lap a lot, and throws a lot of fits. Mommy's exhausted, but God totally keeps me going. There is nothing worse for a mother than the fear of the unknown when it comes to her babies. I thank Him daily, hourly, every minute for my dear husband because, without him, I'd never make it through these long, exhausting days and nights. He is my rock, my everything and I'm just so grateful to have him. So blessed, friends. So blessed.

I'm also blessed to have my big little and my tiny little. They have been so cooperative through all the extra attention Jaleigh Bean has been getting. I try very hard to make time for them and most days, I do well enough but thank GOD they're mild-mannered and calm. And Jadie _usually_ only gets up once or twice a night, opposite Jaleigh. Of course. ;)

My Justin doll has another lump. I'm not sure I ever followed up after our appointment with the genetecist. He basically said we have to wait for more symptoms to pop up before they can officially diagnose him with neurofibromatosis. He said while it is rare, it is possible to have a random neurofibroma. He said if Justin were to ever in his lifetime have another neurofibroma, it would be an automatic diagnosis. I was washing Justin's hair the other day and he has a lump on his face, directly by his ear. I'm calling our ENT after the Holidays to make an appointment, so we can get it all checked out. He's getting so big; I can't believe he's almost five. He's not my toddler anymore and it breaks my heart. He saved me, friends. He and his daddy absolutely, positively saved me. It just kills me to see him so big. He is such an amazing big brother. He loves his sisters dearly and does all he can to help with them. He loves when they nap, though, because then he can play video games or color with mommy! It's a win-win. Love on babies till you wear 'em out, then eat up the mommy time!

Jadie is over three months old now. I'm not really sure where the time has gone, but it's gone. She is absolutely perfect, friends. She's calm, quiet, content. She loves to lay on a blanket and talk to her BFF, the ceiling fan. She has only ever gotten up once a night (except for growth spurts), never had colic, and only cries when she's hungry or has the hiccups. Thank the Lord, because her entire life, Jaleigh has been sick. Oh, friends. And she's beautiful. She doesn't have the dimples or the cleft chin her brother and sister have, but she has these crystal blue eyes that light up and a smile that covers her entire face. She's stunning, absolutely perfect. She looks like a baby doll.

So you may be thinking at this point, what do I need from you. Prayers, friends. Pray for my sweet family. Pray for healing for my Jaleigh Bean, understanding for her daddy and me. Pray for love and peace for her sweet brother, and for continued contentedness for Jadie bug. I know no matter what happens, God will be with us. He may choose to heal her, He may choose to hold her (and us) through this storm. Either way, our faith is in Him and the promise he's given us to never leave our sides.

I was talking to a dear, sweet friend the other day and she told me to have faith. I have faith, friends. It may not be much, but I have it. And here's the thing; God never promised us life wouldn't hurt. He never promised us we wouldn't suffer, either. He does promise us, though, that He will carry us. There is a song very dear to my heart right now, Lay down your burdens by Amy Grant. Lay down your burdens, I will carry you. I will carry you, my child. It goes on to talk about all the things God has done, and how if He can do all that, He can surely carry you through your sorrows. What an amazing song, an amazing testimony to his faithfulness. Just remember, friends. If you are ever overwhelmed, lay down your burdens. He'll carry you.

P.S. Remind me of that next time I decide to lose my mind...

Just...breathe, then pray.

Lord, thank you for this sweet baby girl with her head on my heart and my heart in her hands. She is so beautiful to me. I know the last year has been tough, Lord, but you've never left our sweet family's side and for that, we're grateful. We've weathered the storm and come out closer to you and closer to each other. I thank you for the personality you gave our sweet Jaleigh Bean. She is amazing, Lord; headstrong and determined. I know you don't make mistakes, God, and that she is destined to do big, big things for you.

Thank you for trusting her daddy and me to raise her and her siblings up in the way that they should go. Please give us the tools and the heart to seek your will in their lives, every single step of the way. Please heal her sweet little body of wahtever is making her run fever and feel badly. Thank you for all our sweet babies, for their uniqueness, and for their sweet spirits, and for blessing us with the privelage to raise them up. Help us to encourage, not discourage them and to build them up as giants for you, Help us to remember that as impactful as words are, our actions and our intentions are what they take in the most. Help our actions and thte way we treat one another to be a reflection of your love for us.

Thank you for my husband, God. It never ceases to amaze me you create one man and one woman to be together and that, when we're in your will, you bless us a thousand times over with our perfect match. He is absolutely, positively the most wonderful, thoughtful husband and an absolutely amazing father. Bless him, Lord and continue to guide him while he leads our family in your will.

Give us strength, Lord, to continue on this journey you've called us to, because in your will is where we want to be. I know I've struggled, Lord, and even questioned whether you knew what you were doing landing us hundreds of miles away from our families. We've seen you pour out your blessings in the people you've placed in our lives and as hard as it is to stay focused on your will, I'm so grateful for the wonderful, wonderful friends you've given me to help me along (though I honestly can't wait to be home with my momma...). Every problem we've been faced with, you've countered with a solution that blessed us tenfold. Help us to take those blessings and bless others, Lord.

Lord, you've given us a phenomenal testimony with which to share your love. Please give us the mountain tops to shout your love from, and the people you wish to hear about it. I love you, Lord, and I'm so grateful you chose me to love and me to bless with this wonderful family. Thank you, Lord. ~amen

I did it med free...almost!

Posted 10-10-11

Many of you have asked me to take some time to blog, so I'm going to try really hard to make it a priority. :)



There's a lot to update you on, but first on everyone's mind is probably our sweet baby Jadie. Jadie Faith was born 9-14-2011 @ 10;59 am. I'd been having mild, but noticeable contractions since Tuesday morning. They started around 20 seconds in duration, less than 3 an hour. I went to the doctor that afternoon, excited there were contractions and hopeful there was progress. I was still at a 2, 50% effaced. She said no labor this week, but that we could be hopeful for next week. I was a little embarassed to tell her I'd been having what I thought were significant contractions. She chalked the blood in my urine and the contractions up to dehydration. I'd lost three pounds that week, which reflected my disdain for eating and drinking at that stage in the game.

Anyway, by the time I got home, the contractions were extremely random, but had increased to about 30s in duration. We finished our day and went to bed. I was up all. night. long with contractions, 3-4 an hour (that's still 15m apart, people...). They'd gotten signifcantly stronger, more painful and were lasting about 50 seconds. I slept around them as I could, hopeful that it would eventually turn into labor (little did I know it WAS labor...). Jess got up around 5:30 and I informed him he wouldn't be going to work, to go back to bed. I'd taken 2 showers through the night and decided to crawl in the tub at 6:30. It was starting to really hurt to walk or stand. I climbed back in bed around 7:00 and decided to call my doctor at 8:30 because something was going on, I just didnt know what. I set my alarm for 8:30 (who was I kidding?) and called them. At that point taking steps without assistance was not an option. My mind started racing. Had I messed up in waiting to call the doctor? Was there something wrong with my baby girl? What in the WORLD was going on?

I should tell you at this point that while I'd been pregnant twice before, I hurried to the hospital at the first sign of pain with my oldest, Justin and it ended up being a 32 hour labor. With Jaleigh, I was induced, so I still didn't know what real labor felt like.

Anyway, the doctor told me to get to the hospital ASAP because I was having a difficult time carrying on a conversation with them. I told Jesse to load the kids up, called my friend to take the kids, and we headed to the hospital. Funny, we were trying to decide whether to pack everyone a bag, and finally decided not to because we didn't know what was going on. Jesse pulled up to drop me at the front door and I got out. I thought I was going to be real brave and walk in and upstairs by myself. In retrospect, that was real dumb, and I didn't make it far before they met me with a wheelchair and wheeled me up to L&D.

Once they got me in bed, they checked me. At this point, I must tell you about the new nurse, Ginger. Ginger added a comic relief to my situation. Ginger apparently had been a L&D nurse for 19 years, but you seriously would have thought she just graduated nursing school the evening prior. She checked me first (I seriously almost punched her, then held her down and ripped off her fake freaking fingernails one by one...), and came back saying I wasn't even a 2, and was still 50%. I remember saying something to the effect of, "then you need to figure out what's going on with this baby because something is terribly wrong!" Fortunately, the "real" nurse wasn't any more convinced than I was, so she checked me and I was 100% at a 6/7 and had a bulging sack. At that point, I asked for my epidural. Yes, an epidural. I'm not ashamed, folks. I have the pain threshold of....well, it's really low. I needed pain relief, like, the day before. I was exhausted and so over the pain of childbirth. Not to mention I was scared out of my ever-lovin mind. I'd heard horror stories of women who didn't get their epidurals and I'm fairly certain I knew I wouldn't surivive that nonsense. I did the only thing a raging pregnant woman in horrible pain would do; I prayed to God to PLEASE hurry the anesthesiologist up.

Once we knew where we stood, the nurse started to make calls to Jesse to get back to the hospital quickly because labor was going really, really fast. He'd been dawdling; I remember something about waffles, packing bags and him just being him. ;-) Nurse Ginger took about 10-15 minutes to draw my blood for my cdc for my epidural. Yes, 10-15 minutes. They moved me to a labor room where they checked me again and I was an 8. They were waiting for my cdc to come back before they broke my water, but Nurse Ginger (she really rocks...) accidentally broke my water when she went to check me again later. I told her she broke my water and she insisted she didn't. After about three seconds, she apologized and everyone started moving much faster.

At that point, they gave me a shot of...something? I'm not sure what it was, but I started passing out (literally) between contractions. I am not sure when Jesse got there, but shortly after he did they made him leave so I could get my epidural. Less than 15 minutes later, I was pushing. No, the epidural hadn't even come close to taking full effect, but it took just enough edge off that I didn't want to take a flying leap off the third floor of the hospital.

Jadie Faith was born at 10:59 a.m. I labored for an hour and a half at the hospital with no pain relief and I don't care what anyone says, I'm really darn proud of that. The very second they laid that sweet girl on my chest, every ounce of pain left my body (well, except the whole stitching me up part...) and all I could think about was how perfect she was. And she is. She will be a month old on Wednesday and it just blows my mind how perfect she is, how perfect all my babies are. Many of you have asked if our family is complete. Maybe...maybe not. I'm not in the business of trying to figure out what God's plan is (anymore...lol). If our family is complete, then it is perfect. If we have more children, then it will be perfect. And maybe, just maybe, I'll have the mindset to do it completely epidural free next time...

Someone mentioned to me I haven't updated in a while....

Several someones, actually. So here we are. St. Francis FINALLY scheduled Justin's MRI for July 19. I called his doctor one day last week, though, and made him an appointment for the bad headaches he's been getting. The headaches have been localized to his forehead. My initial suspicion was migraines, but he has no light or sound sensitivity and it seems while the intensity comes and goes, the headache is a steady constant.

Anyway, so we took him in to the doctor and had him checked out. The doctor said his sinuses and allergies seemed to be well under control and that, while it could still be migraines, she was more suspect of neurofibromas on his brain. Due to the recent discoveries with my heart, they went ahead and did an EKG. His EKG came back fine, praise God. I told her neurofibromas were my fear, as well, but that the soonest they could get him in for an MRI was the 19 of July. She said to give her until morning to get it sooner and that if we couldn't make it any sooner, we would do a CT scan here. She said neurofibromas are typically too small to see with CT scans, but if they're causing him pain, we would likely be able to see something. The doctor's office called the next morning and let me know they would see him this past Thursday.

We went in for his MRI and sat....and waited for nearly two hours. Turns out, he wasn't able to have his MRI that day, so we loaded up and headed home. They've rescheduled him for tomorrow, Monday at 11:30. It worked out, though, because the geneticist also called to reschedule and moved his appointment to Wednesday morning @ 8:00 am. So, God willing, we should have a LOT of answers by the end of this week. If we don't have answers, we'll at least have direction.

In other news, Jaleigh has a tooth now. One, lone bottom tooth. It's adorable and, as of this morning, a second tooth has broken the gum. You hear about these sweet babies who just magically have teeth and you never knew they were cutting them. She's NOT one of those babies. She's made the entire world miserable as this tooth has come into her life. I anticipate the same for the next one. We're waiting for her to just take off walking. She's cruising and a couple of times, she's let go of whatever she's holding on to like she's just going to take off across the room. Naturally, she plops to the floor, instead. The effort is definitely there, though.

Our goal is to go home Thursday of this week. I'm ready. I'm so ready to go home I'm afraid I'll protest when it's time to come back to OK. I miss my momma. We've lived away before and I remember thinking back, thinking it was so wonderful (and it was...), but you forget how much you miss your family. Your life without those staple people in it just has a big, fat void. Jess and I are just prone to things going wrong, unfortunately, and it's so much easier for things to go wrong when your family is there by your side. We're very blessed, though, no matter how much we miss them because God has provided us a church family made up of a stellar group of people. We're blessed, but we need a good helping of home. Hopefully, for all our sake, we'll get it very soon.

Today was rough and I'm not sure why...

But I think it may have had something to do with four doctor appointments and one other appointment crammed into one day. Not my smartest move yet.

We started off the day seeing the kids' ENT. Jaleigh passed her hearing test, as well as a seven month old is expected to pay attention lol. He looked at Justin's neck, said it was healing great and asked what our game plan was as far as the biopsy results. We talked for a bit, ran and grabbed some lunch and a quick episode of Spongebob at home, then left for the opthamologist.

Justin did well during the eye exam, up to the point they put the drops in his eyes for dilation. Then he just went hysterical. He was swinging at the poor tech and screaming. Apparently it burned. Poor fellow. :( I set Jaleigh down and held him down (seriously- hate holding my children down for things, absolutely breaks my heart) so the poor tech could finish the drops and we went back out and waited. I gave Just his "cool cars sunglasses" (to which he informed me if he had star wars sunglasses, he'd definitely be cooler...) and he sat in the corner and pouted:

He continued to insist it burned and I felt awful for him, but I don't think anything I said or did alleviated the pain or misery any. Sis LOVED the toys there and was pulling (attemtping to pull...) herself up on everything she could find. She's getting SO big. It absolutely breaks my heart. It seems her teeny tiny baby time was spent in the hospital, screaming, at the doctor, or on medication. It just breaks my heart that time is gone and I'm not sure any of us really enjoyed it. She is a happy, chunky little thing now, though and we're soaking her in completely. She gimp-crawls everywhere, she rolls (finally...at seven months old), she pulls up, she laughs, she plays. She's awesome. She's actually sleeping ALMOOOOST through the night. She goes to bed around 9:00, wakes up between 4:00-5:00, takes a bottle, crawls in bed with mommy and daddy and sleeps under our covers (think: little puppy dog) until she wakes up, usually around 9:00. I seriously can't complain. :)

Anyway, once his eyes were dilated, we saw the opthamologist. He said he was a little confused as to why we were seeing him because with neurofibromatosis, the eyes aren't typically affected until age 5 or 6. He said that, by that age, there's some definite spotting around the iris, but not typically before then. He checked him out, anyway, and said right now his eyes, optic nerve and iris are all clear on both sides. He wants to see us back in about a year. I asked him (he was pretty knowledgeable in all things neurofibromatosis) what all this could mean and he pretty well echoed what everyone else had told us. You don't commonly find a neurofibroma without neurofibromatosis. He did say, though, that if he were us, he'd seek a second reading on the biopsy.

We left the opthamologist, I dumped my kids off @ Pam's and I went to my OB appointment. I begged and pleaded with my nurse to PLEEEEAAAAASE do a sonogram and she said she'd talk to the doctor. As chance would have it, they just got a new ultrasound machine and she was itching to try it out. Would you believe....kid had her legs crossed at the ankle nearly the entire time? We saw nothing. At one point she moved...just enough to grab her ankles and pull them up to her head (think: pike position), legs still closed, making it impossible to see anything. She did get a good view from behind and said nothing was hanging out or bulging, so we're still calling girl for now. That's the second time I've gotten, "I don't see anything, so we'll assume girl." My next appointment is the 21, so we'll try again then. Hopefully she'll be in the mood to cooperate by then lol

We finished off the day @ church, sitting Just down for a talk with the children's minister. Justin has really been talking a lot lately about wanting to kill himself so he can go to heaven. This naturally has us concerned, so we asked the children's minister to sit down and try to talk to him on his level. He did a GREAT job with him and by the time Justin left, he was super excited about LIVING for Jesus, rather than dying to be with him. He told me at dinner that he wanted an elevator that went ALL ALL ALL the way up to heaven, so he could visit Jesus without dying and then come back to tell others about him. Seriously love that kid. <3

Justin's mood and attitude have really sucked today. Bless his sweet heart, he's so in tune to our emotions and our stress that I think it's wearing off on him. I sat him down this evening and talked to him and he told me this: "When I wake up, I decide if today's going to be a good day, or a bad day. If I choose bad, then I get to be bad all day." Hmmm, no. I explained to him if he ever felt like he was having a bad day, he needed to come tell one of us. I told him I knew these last few days have been rough, but we're just checking to make sure he's not still sick. He promised to let us know if his day was bad so we could talk through it.

Aunt Na is coming tomorrow, and then Mimi and Grumpy are coming Saturday. Papa and Nanny are coming in a couple of weeks, too. I think it will do his sweet little heart a LOT of good to be surrounded by the people who love him so much. Aunt Na is coming prepared to love him up first. He wants a burrito and some tea from Taco Casa....he's prepared to give nosies.

First appointment today and what's to come

Justin had his first appointment today with the pediatrician to see what stage we're in with the neurofibromatosis (funny thing, I've spelled this so much I don't have to look it up anymore?). The pediatrician had him strip down and searched him for discolorations on his body called cafe au laits. After searching him extensively (checking for discolorations, checking his joints, spine, etc), she told me that he has zero cafe au laits on his body. None. The problem is (or the praise?) that one of the main symptoms of neurofirbromatosis type one is these spots. She said you can have it without them, but it's very uncommon. She also said that his muscle tone is great, so she's extremely confused by the diagnosis. She's marking it down as a mild case for now and said she wants him to go ahead and see the opthamologist (tomorrow @ 1:00), get his MRI (they called to schedule, but since he has to be sedated, they're calling back), and see the geneticist (he'll have ALL the answers, apparently...).

The absence of the cafe au laits made me research type two a bit more, also and I'm praying fervently that's not what we're dealing with. It concerns me because the tumor they removed from his neck was on a nerve to the ear (if you recall, he had some major ear pain post-surgery). So please, be in prayer that's not what this is all indicative of because type two would be so much harder on him, regardless of the severity.

Another thing about neurofibromatosis is the tumors that grow cause pain. While Justin's tumor didn't cause pain directly to the spot, he was in pain and he wasn't resting well. Since that filth has left his body, we've noticed a significant improvement in his sleep patterns (not sleeping as much) and his mood altogether. So if nothing else good comes of this, praise God my baby's not in whatever pain this was causing him anymore.

If everything there comes back clear, she's going to request a second opinion on the biopsy reading (another pathologist will review it). She said it is all pretty black and white as far as diagnosing this particular disease, but there's just enough grey that it could be read differently by a different set of eyes. If the second opinion still shows neurofibromatosis, then one of two things is going on. One, it is a very, very mild case or, two, it just hasn't started progressing yet. As I said yesterday, the common diagnosis age is 3-10, so he's just on the edge of being where it's even diagnosable (is that a word? Not sure, but I like it...). It could appear to be nothing and then just break out rampantly, it could just be a very mild form, or it could be a misread.

I'm not holding my breath for a misread. This doesn't mean I don't have faith, but it means I'm already going through the process of accepting it and I don't want to get my hopes up and start all over in the process. I didn't sleep last night and neither did Jesse. Funny thing is, I don't think either of us realized the other didn't sleep. How does that happen?

On the docket for tomorrow- Justin and Jaleigh both have follow ups to be released from Dr. Vaidya @ 10:30 in the morning, then Just will have his eye tests done @ 1:00 tomorrow. Then, we'll finish the day off with my OB appointment, where we'll hopefully get another sono to tell us exactly what our little bean is. This will be huge and we'll celebrate. I think our little family needs something to celebrate and I'm hoping baby cooperates and removes the foot from the crotch. :)

Many of you have asked how Jess and I are doing. We're okay. I'm exhausted, he's exhausted. We have so many questions and they're the type of questions you can't google. We WILL get through this, though. God may not provide us all the answers, but he'll provide us with peace and a means of coping. We just need rest. We need rest for our bodies and rest for our souls. It doens't look like rest for either is coming anytime soon, but again, He'll carry us through. It's seriously just a LOT to process when you look at your perfect, beautiful blessing of a child who has already been through so much and know it's just beginning. Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. We love each and every one of you and we're so blessed to have you as a part of our lives.

Justin's biopsy results

First and foremost, thank you all for your continued prayers over our family, specifically our babies. I'm happy to report Jaleigh is finally in good health. She's happier and sleeping better since her surgery, which makes for a better rested mommy and daddy. She's also very quickly putting on the pounds and resembling the Michelin baby. I'll not complain, though, because I'd rather her fat and happy than malnourished and miserable.

Justin's ENT called today and gave us his biopsy results. Let me say first we are seriously blessed with a very sincere ENT who truly, truly cares about his patients. He informed me first that Justin's lump was a tumor, but that it was benign. He said it was not, however; on his lymph node as they originally suspected. He said it was a growth called a neurofibroma, which is a result of a rare genetic disorder (think: 1 in 3k for type one, 1 in 50k for type 2) called neurofibromatosis. He told me he'd already called our pediatrician (again- AMAZING doctor, we're so blessed) and filled her in. He said in all the time he'd been doing surgeries and biopsies, he'd never seen a neurofibroma come back and that he actually had to go to the books to give me answers. He said our pediatrician was doing research as we spoke and we needed to follow up with her for x-rays, MRIs and bloodwork.

I called his pediatrician's office and made an appointment, and then (naturally, as every freaked out mother would...) I hit google. By the time I had myself good and freaked out, the pediatrician called me. Like I said, I seriously have the best pediatrician on the planet. She told me that she'd received the news and been researching ever since. She said she put herself in my shoes and knew she'd be freaking out so she had to call me personally to talk through it all.

Basically, from what she has said, there are two types of neurofibromatosis and further testing will determine which he has. She said she is almost certain we're dealing with type one, which is more common and less severe. The first specialist we will see is an opthamologist. He will do images of Justin's eyes to ensure there are no tumors on his eyes or the optic nerve. If there are tumors on his eyes or optic nerve, it will require semi-annual screening to monitor the tumors. They will also monitor his vision closely, as these tumors can cause complete and/or partial blindness. If Just has any type of growths on his eyes, that will automatically mean Jaleigh and our little bean will need annual testing, as well.

We will also see a geneticist, who will do some pretty extensive testing on Justin and the rest of us. The majority of the time, a parent passes this gene on to their child but this specific disease has also been known to spontaneously show up in a child and they will be a carrier from then on. They will test Jesse, Justin, Jaleigh and me to see which of us are potentially carriers. The blood tests aren't always completely conclusive, but his doctor said they'd at least see if they could get some results from it.

Justin will also be scheduled for an MRI of his brain. This is very important because it will determine whether he has type one or two. They will sedate him for the MRI. If he comes back with bilateral lesions on his brain it will mean an automatic type two diagnosis. It will also determine whether there are any other lesions or tumors on his brain.

Type one neurofibromatosis is a disease of the nervous system. Basically, anywhere he has a nerve, he can have a tumor grow. They will monitor any growths he has because, while they don't grow outwardly, they can "grow roots," if you will, and grow inwardly, damaging vital organs. There is a 3-5% chance each of these benign tumors could turn cancerous. Anyway, the most common places for these tumors to pop up (though they can pop up virtually anywhere) are the spine, eyes/optic nerve, brain, kidneys, and neck region. As long as they've 1) not turned cancerous and, 2) aren't affecting vital organs in life-threatening manners, they will not surgically remove them because many times the risk of surgery is greater than the benefit.

His pediatrician said that, even in the mild cases, we can expect there to be growths on the eyes/optic nerve, scoliosis (very common in children with type 1), and, if there are any growths on the brain, we can expect behavioral changes to occur (think: ADD, attention issues).

The ages where this disease is typically caught is from 3 years-13 years, so Just falls right in the criteria where it can be caught. Children who have it typically are shorter in stature, have larger heads, growths under or on top of the skin, and spots with skin discoloration. We go in to the pediatrician in the morning where she will strip him down and do a full exam so they can start monitoring any other growths on his little body.

Some of you probably remember the unexplained seizures he had when we were back in NC. This diagnosis explains the seizures, his short stature, and his oversized melon. :)

I'd had full faith when the phone rang today the doctor would tell us it wasn't cancerous and everything was fine. I've spent the afternoon in a state of shock. I know this is better than cancer but let's face it, it still sucks. Bad. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I don't understand why it has to be my baby. We'll not hold our heads up, rather we'll get on our knees because this is just another storm that God will carry us through. Jess, the babies and I are blessed in a big way and this is just another means of testing our faith. By the grace of God, we'll prevail and God will use this for His glory.

I got the phone call today at 2:00, and then one of my friends pulled up in the driveway. She stayed and watched the kids, talked me through stuff, researched, and just loved my family and me until 8:00 this evening. Then she took Sis home with her so we could take time to figure out what our next move will be, communicate with Justin what's ahead of him and just be with him. As difficult as it is to be away from our families, God has provided us a family here and we're so grateful to each of them. The impact they've had on our lives is unspeakable.

So what can you pray for? Pray for peace and understanding as all this unfolds. They will be doing a LOT of checking, poking, prodding, blood-drawing, and questioning to my little angel in the weeks and years to come. Pray for peace and understanding for him. It's so much for his sweet little brain to comprehend. This is something we must monitor for him for the rest of his life.

Momentarily, as this all unfolded, I was so mad at God. How in the WORLD could he do this to MY baby? My perfect baby? Another dear friend called and prayed with me and I realised, God didn't do this TO my baby and this is no surprise to Him. He knew what was coming, how we would react and He was there waiting for us once we processed it all. We're finding comfort in that for now. So, thank you for your prayers, past, present and future. The support you've given us has carried us through to this point. I've taken a muscle relaxer, brought my son downstairs to snuggle, and I'm ready to climb up in the Father's lap and rest in him. Good night.

If you're reading this, you weren't left behind...

I had a dear friend message me on facebook today, asking me how I could be so at peace with the potential of being raptured today. Don't get me wrong; I knew there was no way in the world we were going to be raptured 5-21-2011 at 6:00 p.m. via earthquake (think- Matthew 24:36), but a part of me was completely at peace if for some reason it did happen. And, just for the record, I'm thinking it won't be 12-21-2012, either...

Those of you who know me know I was married in my past life. If you know that, you also know that it was a terrible relationship. Here's the thing- I've been a Christian since I was in 8th grade (I'll never forget it, my daddy and I were saved and baptised together), but I've always been terrified of death. I've been terrified at the potential of being raptured. Looking back, that's just crazy, isn't it? To be terrified at spending an eternity with God, no sickness, no crying, no pain. Just me and my sweet husband, our babies and our loved ones for eternity (think: Revelation 21:4). Who would be terrified of that?

Anyway, I remember praying to God while I was married to my ex husband to PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE not kill me (yes, kill me. Again, if you know my past, you understand) or send His son back until I had the opportunity to do two things: One, I wanted to know what it was to be loved unconditionally as husband and wife and two, I wanted to have a child to know the love of a parent. I felt, at the time, it was God's promise to me. And let's be honest, I'm married to the man of my dreams and we have 2.5 beautiful babies, so it must have been his promise, no? God has made many promises to us and if there's one thing I've learned about Him, it's that He keeps His promises. AND...and, usually He goes above and beyond keeping his promises and blesses us ten-fold. I knew it was a stretch to have ONE baby and God outwitted every doctor I've ever seen and gave me two more babies on top of my sweet son. I can see God up there going, yeah, you ain't seen nothing yet, kid. I'm not even CLOSE to being done (I like to envision God with a sense of humor...)

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am blessed. Big time.

Anyway, if you'd asked me when the y2k scare happened if I was ready for the world to end and spend eternity in heaven, I'd have told you no way. If you'd asked me at any of these other times when people claimed the world would end at X on Y, I'd have told you I wasn't ready and I was scared out of my ever-lovin' mind.

And let me just say, bless poor Reverand Camping's heart. He's devoted (see: wasted) nearly all his life to trying to determine when his life will end, rather than live it. It really, really is heartbreaking. Do I think he's a false prophet? No. I think he's a confused child of God who is so ready to be with His Savior that he made it his life's work to figure out WHEN it would happen. The bible does tell us, though, to beware of false prophets (think- Matthew 7:15). I do believe there will be many, many more predictions of when Christ's second return will be and I believe they too, will be wrong.

I can honestly look at my life right this very second and say it is complete. I'm so full of joy and appreciation for all my Savior has blessed me with. I have the best husband on the planet, he loves me like I've never been loved before (and I'm certain I'll never be loved again; I'm a difficult person to love). I have two of the most beautiful, sweetest spirited babies anyone could ever ask for. I have my faith, a roof over my head, peace with my parents (long time coming- I love you, momma and daddy). I know there's still so much more to live for (first days of school, high school, prom, college, marriage, grandbabies...), and live I will until He calls me home. But if God decided to end it all today, all I can say is bring it on!

So, when I told my friend this morning I was at peace with it all, it really got me to thinking why. When I look back at the old me, the me before my faith was 110% in Christ alone, I had a big problem with loving and accepting myself. The fact of the matter is if I don't love me, I can't expect anyone else to love me. Better still, if I don't love me, I'm less likely to let anyone IN to love me (think: Christ). Once I allowed Christ to live and dwell within me, He opened my life (eyes, heart...) to a whole new kind of love. He opened my eyes to a love for myself, a love for Him and a love for others.

You can call it maturity in age or maturity in spirit (I like to think both...), but while I knew there was no way we'd be raptured this evening, part of me was just a smidge disappointed at 6:05 pm when there was no earthquake. I can't wait for the day I don't have to worry about my babies' health, the bills piling up, our lights staying on. I'll get to see my Nampaw, my Paw-paw, all the relatives who've gone before me. I'll see Kara, Kindle, JD. They'll all be waiting for my sweet family and me as we are raptured up into heaven to spend eternity just loving and being with each other and with our Savior. Seriously? What could be better than that?